Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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