I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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