in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
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last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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