I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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