The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize