Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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