I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
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I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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