I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want a musical about memes.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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