you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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