you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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