oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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