his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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