before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I did not marry a roomba.
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