Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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