we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
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we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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