now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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