Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
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I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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