last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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