New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
im on a boat
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