Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
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Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
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Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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