Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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