If that was your dad, he is hot
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
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I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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