I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize