Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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