Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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