I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She bit a glass in half.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize