she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize