Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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