i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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