from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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