Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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