Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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