Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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