Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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