oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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