How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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