so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
