covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
