So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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