I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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