just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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