I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
No subtext here. People are naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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