ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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