hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize