i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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