I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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