Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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