I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize