I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better after having sex.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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