1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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