Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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