I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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