im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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